Caroline Buchanan is our Agony Aunt at the Dorset Echo. She’ll be helping readers with their problems on a weekly basis.

Dear Caroline,

I'm worried I got married on the rebound. I love my husband but I don’t feel the same intense way I did about my first one.

We split up because he was constantly having affairs and I couldn’t cope anymore. I was very miserable when I met my current husband.

He was like a knight in shining armour but I just wonder if I would have fallen for him had I been in a better state emotionally when we met.

I’m 28 and while it’s hard for you to answer this, I need to know if I’ve done the right thing. I love my husband and he’s a great guy – I would just like to feel sure he’s the one.

Clare, by email

I understand your worry, Clare, but the first thing you need to do about this question is to try and relax about it. Be gentle with your self-questioning rather than obsessive. No two loves are the same but that doesn’t make one of less worth than the other. They all teach us something and the one you’re in now sounds healthier than the one before! I think you’re trying to compare apples and pears – these relationships are very different. No relationship can incorporate every single need on your wish list but a good, kind man is clearly worth more investment than one with a two-timing philanderer. Honestly, I would stop fretting too much now and put your energies into enjoying what you have. By all means review the situation in a year or so but, in the meantime, please don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. I think it might help you to have some counselling to work everything through. Have a look at www.bacp.co.uk to find a therapist or counsellor to help you.

Dear Caroline,

My partner and I have been together for three years and admittedly things have become a bit stale.

But I’m gobsmacked because he’s just announced he wants a year’s trial separation for us ‘to spread our wings a bit’.

He says he doesn’t want to finish forever because he’d like the option of coming back to me once we’ve both experienced some freedom.

Everyone says I’d be mad to agree and I should tell him to get stuffed. But I really love him and had envisaged us spending the rest of our lives together. Why should I be forced to spread my wings when I don’t want to?

Caitlin, by email

I agree with your friends, Caitlin. This request is very cheeky!

Your partner wants to have his cake and eat it but life doesn’t work like that.

While he may be aware he feels too young to settle down, he can’t possibly expect you to wait around like his favourite teddy to be picked up if and when he needs you. Give him his freedom, because you can’t do otherwise, but inform him that undoubtedly, you’ll be far more mature by the end of the year and this could mean you decide he has no part in your future.

Your spirited stand might well make him think twice. Don’t forget too that lockdown has had an effect on many relationships and it’s going to take some time for them to settle down again.

CAROLINE Buchanan is a journalist, author, agony aunt and Relate- trained counsellor who lives in Dorset and West London. Her latest book is The 15-Minute Rule for Forgiveness. Her previous book, The 15-Minute Rule - How to Stop Procrastinating and Take Control of Your Life, is a bestseller. If you would like Caroline’s advice, send your problem to joanna.davis@dorsetecho. co.uk and it will be passed on.