GUIDE INTERVIEW: Julian Clary tells all about his life in the country ahead of his Weymouth show

As The Joy of Mincing arrives at Weymouth Pavilion, Julian Clary tells Emma Cox all about life on the road and why he doesn't think he'll be getting an MBE any time soon.

EXPLAINING the name of his tour The Joy of Mincing, Julian says: "I always like to get 'mincing' into the title.

"We've had Lord of the Mince; Natural Born Mincer; and Mincing Machine was my first tour in 1989.

"I suppose mincing, apart from being a means of walking around, is a way of life. The Joy of Mincing is a declaration of the joy of life despite disapproval, perhaps."

There still seems to be some disapproval of the term, Julian says.

"I think there probably is some [disapproval]. And mincing, which is an old fashioned word, was probably in its day borne out of standing up in the face of that disapproval."

The show is as rude as ever and things haven't toned down, Julian says.

"It's the one time you can let rip a bit, on stage.

"I don't want to be filthy for the sake of it, but I think it's a comic device.

"You just exaggerate who you really are on stage. I'm quite fond of moments of vulgarity."

Comedy has changed over the years 'beyond all recognition', Julian points out.

"It's my 30th anniversary next year. It used to be an eclectic selection of people in small rooms above pubs, in the 1980s.

"Our comedy was a reaction against the right-wing men in bow-ties who were being offered as light entertainment in those days.

"I think you evolve, whether you want to or not.

"There was a certain amount of anger and delight in confronting people when I started, which has more or less gone now.

"Making people laugh is my main aim in life these days. I don't think there's so much to be angry about now."

Some interesting stories can be expected on this tour.

Julian said: "There's a rather long story about how I once saved Joan Collins's life in a swimming pool in St Tropez. It's a true story, which I won't give away now, but it's a long, meandering tale that fills the first half.

"Then the second half is about MBEs. I've noticed a lot of my friends in the business are getting these awards. They're handing them out like Smarties.

"I think, 'Ooh, I'd like one of those', but it's never happened so I'm obviously not favoured by the Establishment. I can only blame myself…

"So during the show, I give myself one and call it 'Mincer of the British Empire'. I'm making lots of these MBEs and handing them out to people in the audience. Just the lucky few, you understand: it’s not included in the ticket price.

"I'm always looking for an excuse to talk to the audience. That's what keeps me going. You can get bored if you're just reeling off the same old nonsense.

"I'm always very interested in the audience and their stories. People are very funny; they never fail to amuse."

If he were offered an MBE in real life he would certainly accept, Julian says.

"I'd bite their hands off! I think I've been too rude about the Royal Family over the years, unfortunately.

"I'm probably on some kind of black list somewhere."

And never one to hold back, Julian offers his opinion on Kate Middleton.

"Well, she's very fertile, isn't she? What more can one say? She's got lovely hair."

Julian is visiting towns up and down the country as part of his tour.

He said: "I love Glasgow. My rule used to be that the further north you go, the more extrovert people are.

"But I've changed my mind about that rule because I've had lovely gigs down south as well as in grim northern towns. I’m an any time any place kinda gal, I guess."

It really isn't too difficult being on tour, Julian adds: "Other comedians complain that it is lonely and that you eat badly because you're constantly on the road.

"Well, nobody's making you do it. And there's a Waitrose in every town these days."

"This is what I wanted to do 30 years ago, and I'm still doing it - standing on stage, talking about myself and getting applause for it. What’s not to like?"

Julian has now turned his back on partying and lives an idyllic rural lifestyle in a village in Kent.

He jokes: "Well that’s what I’m telling you anyway. I think there’s nothing drearier than a 56 year old homosexual hanging around Soho in lycra. Mercifully, one grows out of that. Thank goodness."

He doesn't miss those days at all, he says.

"Absolutely not. You'd have to pay a lot of money to get me into a nightclub, sniffing and snorting and dragging some trollop home with me. "Yuck. I like to keep myself nice these days."

Ageing is not on the top of Julian's 'list of enjoyable things', he says.

"Although I am thrilled with my grey hair. I’ve turned from a fluffy chicken into a silver fox.

"It's very interesting: when you're young, there are all these things you want to achieve.

"Then when you get to your 50s you've either done them or you haven't, so the physical deterioration is offset by the things that you can tick off the list."

Julian said he tried to like doing yoga, but it didn't really work out as a hobby.

"It started morphing into an encounter group with people talking about their depression and their marriage problems. I just wanted my ham strings stretched. So I said ‘Namaste’ and didn’t return.

"I like pottering around my garden. Am I good? I'm very good at walking around and telling my gardener what to do."

*The Joy of Mincing is Julian Clary’s celebration of 30 years as a camp comedian and is at Weymouth Pavilion on Thursday October 20. Contact the box office for tickets.

His third children's book The Bolds on Holiday is on sale now.